Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
