Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
