I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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