I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
