In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
