K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
