Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
