First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
