We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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