Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
