I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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