I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
