i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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