Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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