Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
