He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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