thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have feelings that need drinking.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
