just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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