I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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