"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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