And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
