u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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