Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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