Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
