Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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