Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
