You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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