I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
