Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
