Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
