That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
