ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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