so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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