at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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