I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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