I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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