I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
