Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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