i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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