I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
