First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
