i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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