Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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