Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there was a trapeze. enough said
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
