You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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