I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize