the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
