today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.