I hate all girls vehemently.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex