I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.