We're facebook friends in real life
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!