You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
