I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
