...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
