Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize