She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Alive.
So much puke
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
