how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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