At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
