Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I understand Curling. That high.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
