I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
