the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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