Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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