I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
should my penis look like a turkey
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
