Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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