I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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