how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
