God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
