when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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