I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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