on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
