he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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