dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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