Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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