you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
