i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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