dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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