Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
