My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
