Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Someone signed my nipple.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
