Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
